Do you think that if more people lived together before they got married there would be less divorces? My sister and I were talking about that. Put in your vote.I personally think that in theory it might sound good but I think that ultimately it is better to wait for two reasons. Firstly, I think that living together simply enables the non-commital types. Those type of people get to have their cake and eat it too; its like you live with the person but you’re not sure enough about them to make a life-long commitment. I know of a lot of women who after investing years in a relationship like this are left with nothing - no money, no place to live, etc. Secondly, I believe that there is something sacred about marriage. When two people start living together after they are married there should always be this idea in their minds that what they have created is of extreme importance. In a way its to hold you accountable and let me explain that statement. A lot of people are tempted to say “well if all thats holding you together is a piece of paper…” But this is what I mean, we are all flawed individuals with hundreds of issues, personal problems, and other things clouding our judgment at all times. And sometimes I would like to think that if we are personally in a moment of weakness that maybe remembering why we made those vows in the first place and the weight that they hold could mean the difference between a divorce or not. If its not a marriage its much easier to leave; no mess, no paperwork, just take your stuff and go.
P.S. There was an article I read one or two years ago in Psychology Today that talked about the research done on divorce rates for couples that live together and the evidence proved that they got divorced slightly more that couples that did not.
UPDATE: The article is on their website The Perils of Playing House.
I’m going to have to agree with mufti on this one. Living together hasn’t been proven to reduce the probability of divorce at all. I think that living together before you’re married is definitely a personal choice, but marriage definitely raises the stakes. Both parties know that they can’t very easily just walk away from the situation over a minor (or even major) issue or hiccup. Marriage is a serious thing. Real estate and money are also very serious things. I’m always hesitant to combine these sorts of serious things with things that aren’t very serious (committed relationships without any sort of back-up). The reason why a lot of marriages work out is because they are just that, marriages.
Some people think they need to test the goods before they buy, but honestly, if there’s any doubt in your mind to begin with, the relationship probably isn’t going in the right direction. Maybe my (semi) conservative upbringing is showing, but I don’t believe in giving the milk for free… If you know what I’m saying.
That said, ‘living together’ in New York and other comparable cities is much different. That becomes more of an economic/money saving issue than one of the status of the realtionship.
All things considered though, I can’t see enough plusses of living together to sway me in that direction.
Totally agree. This is why I don’t plan on living with a man I’m dating until we’re married. I mean, I’ve already given up the V-card, might as well have something to look forward to. ;) And I love the idea of building a life and a home together after taking those vows. To me, there’s something sacred about it.
I don’t fault others for living together without being married, it’s just not for me.